The kind of incest you never heard of
and it's not even gross
Hey!
Welcome back to another edition of TodaysWorld, where we talk about things most people avoid at family dinners.
Today, we are exploring emotional incest.
No, not the kind you think.
Let’s just start already…
📌 So, what is emotional incest?
Emotional incest, also called covert incest, is when a parent treats a child not like a child, but like a partner, a confidante, or worse, their emotional crutch.
Okay, let me give an example.
Have you ever been called "mature for your age" because you were the one giving advice to your mom at 12?
Or felt guilty for having your own needs because your dad “had it worse”?
That’s emotional incest.
The term might feel harsh, but the reality is harsher. This dynamic blurs parent-child boundaries in ways that feel confusing, damaging, and often normalized. It’s not about physical abuse. It’s emotional, subtle, and usually unconscious.
Parents in these dynamics might overshare intimate details, lean on their kids for emotional support, or become controlling under the guise of being “close.”
Kids, on the other hand, grow up feeling responsible for their parents’ well-being, often at the cost of their own. They learn to shrink, to people-please, to suppress their needs, and carry those habits into adult life and relationships.
📌 Why does it happen?
Usually, because a parent’s own emotional cup is empty. A divorce, the death of a partner, even a stagnant marriage, can drive them to seek connection, just from the wrong place: their kid.
The result? Adults with fractured identities, poor boundaries, and deep-seated guilt when they finally try to live for themselves. And unless it’s confronted, this cycle repeats.
But the good news is it can be broken.
It starts with naming it. Then comes distance (even if temporary), therapy, journaling, and the tough work of setting boundaries.
You should remember that you are not responsible for your parents’ happiness. You never were.
So how do you know if you’ve been part of this?
Start with questions. Below are a few for reflection, whether you're the parent or the now-adult child.
For parents:
Do you rely on your child for emotional support?
Do you overshare intimate details with your child?
Do you expect them to care for your needs or cheer you up?
Do you feel jealous when they spend time with friends or partners?
Do you see your child as “mature beyond their years” or more like a friend than a child?
For adult children:
Did you feel responsible for a parent’s feelings growing up?
Did you suppress your own needs to avoid guilt or shame?
Were you ever your parents “therapist” or mediator?
Do you still feel the urge to emotionally care for them now?
Do you struggle with boundaries or expressing your needs in relationships?
If you’re nodding yes to many of these, that doesn’t mean you’re doomed; it means you’re aware. And awareness is the first brick in the road out.
Healing this isn’t quick. But it’s possible. It might look like therapy. Journaling. Creating space. Reparenting yourself. Reclaiming your identity. Setting boundaries so that love can breathe.
Most importantly, it’s okay to say: that wasn’t okay. And to move forward anyway.
That’s it for today. If you found this edition interesting and entertaining, please drop a like and follow us for more!
See ya👋
